I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
