Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
