I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
