Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
