A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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