I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
