She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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