Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
