Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
