You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
