Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
