I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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