Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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