Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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