i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
