OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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