Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
