I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
