it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
