Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
