i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
