hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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