I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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