she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
