If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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