Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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