so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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