I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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