Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
