so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
