Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
