First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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