You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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