like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
