At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
