i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
