you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
