I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
