We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
FUCK WHALES
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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