you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
