Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
