i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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