I got chris browned last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
stop calling my apartment porn island.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
