I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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