my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize