I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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