Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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