My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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