I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
