I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
