you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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