i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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