so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
