Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could teleport
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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