Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
