I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
honey bunches of taint.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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