I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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